You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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