am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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