Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I need moral support for this bender
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
