Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
