im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
