I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
