i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
