I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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