before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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