On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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