I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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