I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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