She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
