I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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