Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
