I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize