I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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