I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
