dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
