help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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