so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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