she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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