he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
