Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
