we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Boobs speak an international language.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
