No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
