I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
