so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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