This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
