her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i love accidental penises.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
