I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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