i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize