so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
