what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
