We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
