I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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