i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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