nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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