the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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