she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
