Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
