wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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