someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
