doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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