btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
