Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
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I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
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how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize