Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
