i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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