Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
