Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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