i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
