just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sobbing to NWA
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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