Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
