I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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