wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
