I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
