TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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