yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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