No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
