so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
